This is about me, not so much Lu...Day whatever

Listening to Macy Gray Radio on Pandora, I heard her cover of Radiohead’s “Creep” for the first time. That intertwined with as good dose of Adele and Nora Jones, and I was lost. While today was an ordinary day, I feel anything but.

I can’t really say what brought me here. I started the day with one goal: to sew myself a dress. Not a fancy dress, just a simple pattern-less dress I saw on Pinterest. It turned out a terrible mess. Three of me could fit in it, and none of us would look good. My day was wasted, being who I am, that’s a big deal. I missed out on time with my one-year-old daughter, who is growing up way too fast.

Friends, who happen to be my parents’ neighbors, had their first child today…a little boy. While I am happy for them, I am sad too. Their newborn little boy won’t be so very long. Time is greedy and will elapse impatiently, as it did for another neighbor on Mom and Dad’s street. After a long battle with cancer, he passed away today. In one twenty-four hour period, Riverside Drive welcomed one new life, and said farewell to another.

This blog devoted to the ever-amazing Lulu, so I must mention my girl. She too adds to my sense of gloom. I see in her eyes, the longing to run and play again, to take part in life on her terms. It deeply hurts me that I can’t give her that back. And, I struggle with our decisions. Is she happy enough to be with us, or are we selfish to keep her here?

Before I could dwell too much on my Lu, I received a message from an old friend asking me to call him. The tone of the message left me concerned, but as it turned out, he only wanted my input on his seventeen-year-old daughter pursuing a career art. Having my Masters in Fine Art, I was happy to discuss this with him, but I was surprised when our conversation left me feeling nostalgic and empty.

And then, thinking about the past, I began to miss my best friend, my husband. We haven’t connected in a real way for a long, long time. I miss him, but I’m not sure what to do to make things better between us. And, as it happens, he isn’t home tonight, which make my loneliness more acute. So, I’m alone, feeling sad and nostalgic, listening to depressing music that Pandora calls Macy Gray Radio.