This is about me, not so much Lu...Day whatever

Listening to Macy Gray Radio on Pandora, I heard her cover of Radiohead’s “Creep” for the first time. That intertwined with as good dose of Adele and Nora Jones, and I was lost. While today was an ordinary day, I feel anything but.

I can’t really say what brought me here. I started the day with one goal: to sew myself a dress. Not a fancy dress, just a simple pattern-less dress I saw on Pinterest. It turned out a terrible mess. Three of me could fit in it, and none of us would look good. My day was wasted, being who I am, that’s a big deal. I missed out on time with my one-year-old daughter, who is growing up way too fast.

Friends, who happen to be my parents’ neighbors, had their first child today…a little boy. While I am happy for them, I am sad too. Their newborn little boy won’t be so very long. Time is greedy and will elapse impatiently, as it did for another neighbor on Mom and Dad’s street. After a long battle with cancer, he passed away today. In one twenty-four hour period, Riverside Drive welcomed one new life, and said farewell to another.

This blog devoted to the ever-amazing Lulu, so I must mention my girl. She too adds to my sense of gloom. I see in her eyes, the longing to run and play again, to take part in life on her terms. It deeply hurts me that I can’t give her that back. And, I struggle with our decisions. Is she happy enough to be with us, or are we selfish to keep her here?

Before I could dwell too much on my Lu, I received a message from an old friend asking me to call him. The tone of the message left me concerned, but as it turned out, he only wanted my input on his seventeen-year-old daughter pursuing a career art. Having my Masters in Fine Art, I was happy to discuss this with him, but I was surprised when our conversation left me feeling nostalgic and empty.

And then, thinking about the past, I began to miss my best friend, my husband. We haven’t connected in a real way for a long, long time. I miss him, but I’m not sure what to do to make things better between us. And, as it happens, he isn’t home tonight, which make my loneliness more acute. So, I’m alone, feeling sad and nostalgic, listening to depressing music that Pandora calls Macy Gray Radio.  

IVDD Episode 2...day 64

Wow...it's been too long since I've blogged. I wish I could say there have been major changes, but things with Lu's health are pretty much the same. We're still seeing Dr. Krausser for therapy. Lulu makes progress, but it is such small steps that I feel more hopeless sharing these changes than just keeping them to myself. It's not that I've lost hope all together, it's just sort of depressing sharing the news of tiny changes like a twitching tail.

But, we do have good tidings to share...Lulu finally received her custom cart from Eddie's Wheels. The cart arrived this past Thursday, and Bill and I were so excited for Lu to try it. I waited until Bill returned home from work, so that we could both witness her first steps in the new wheels. We strapped Lu into the cart, and then looked at her expectantly. She looked back at us like, "What am I supposed to do now?" So we both started calling to her, but nothing happened. So we enticed her with cookies, but nothing. We even broke out a banana, which she loves, but she wouldn't budge.

Knowing one of Lu's greatest loves in life is going for walks, I thought, "Let's try this outside." So we bundled up the baby, put both dogs on leashes, and headed outside. Sure enough, Lulu was moving in no time. I think she was so excited to be out on a crisp fall evening, that she forgot about her disability and just became a dog again. It was an amazing experience to see.

That first time out was very short lived, as Lu tired very quickly. The next day, I tried it again, wearing Mia, the baby, on my chest, and handing an exuberant Gus and a curious Lulu all at the same time. I won't go into the complications of this, but I will say, Lulu was much more confident this time around.

IVDD Episode 2...day 32

After what we had hoped was an awakening of nerves, we began the week somewhat expecting to see obvious signs of progress. Unfortunately, no miracle occurred.

What did happen this week wasn't what we planned. First, Bill had been working on constructing a cart aka "a dog wheelchair" for Lulu. He's pretty handy guy and thought it wouldn't be that difficult. He had ordered parts from various sources and found a lot of interested and supportive people along the way. But, after countless attempts, we could not get the cart functioning properly, and Lulu was unable to use it.

To add to our disappointment, my hope for Lulu was dashed by a chiropractor I met at a networking event this past Monday. While he and I were discussing Lu's case, he unceremoniously said that if she hadn't shown signs of movement in her back end by now, it wasn't likely she ever would since nerve tissue dies after trauma like hers. Lamely, I protested, saying that there had been some twitches and spasms. While he seemed like a nice enough guy, the expression on his face indicated to me that he felt sorry for my nonacceptance of the matter.

While Bill and I were disheartened by the issue with the cart and the comment by the chiropractor, Lulu did have a chance to be a bit of herself this week. I had yard work to complete before the weather turned too cold, so I brought the baby, Lulu and Gus outside with me. It was a joy to see Lulu patrolling the neighborhood again, even if it was from the sidelines. She seemed rejuvenated after her long break outside in the grass, and has shown more spunk ever since (though Lu has never lacked in the spunk department).

 

 

We visited the good doctor for another acupuncture treatment this afternoon. I found it sadly disappointing to relate that no real progress occurred during the week. Regardless of our feelings over the stagnation, Lulu received her treatment with an almost serene attitude. During therapy, Dr. Krausser and I discussed the issue of the malfunctioning cart. I told her Bill and I decided to set aside our prototype and purchase a cart from a company that makes them to order. I had talked to one of the owners of the company yesterday afternoon. I told Dr. Krausser that my conversation with the woman gave me back a little bit of hope, as she shared with me that the company was founded after her own dog became paralysed with IVDD. Her dog had used a cart for six months before regaining the ability to walk. She said that in her experience long recoveries are often the norm in cases of conservative care IVDD.

 

In addition to getting Lu wheels, we decided to try a Thunder Shirt, a compression garment meant to calm dogs. The item works sort of like swaddling an infant, and Dr. Krausser thinks it may have the added benefit of relieving spinal inflammation. So far, I do think Lu seems more relaxed, but I want to give it a few days before I form my final opinion.

 

 

 



Like any good story, there should always be the element of surprise, and this post is no exception. After a long day of hauling around a paralysed dog, pacifying a teething infant, and trying to give a moment's attention to Gus, Bill comes in from taking Lu potty and says, "Watch this." He sets Lulu to standing, and for a moment, she holds herself upright on shaking, whithered legs. I was amazed! Bill propped her up again, and Lu stood there briefly for a second time, then a third and a fourth. I asked, "Did she just start doing that?" He replied that she did it this morning for the first time, but he forgot to tell me. What? He forgot to tell me? While I'm dumbfound on how one doesn't recall such a powerful display of intention, I can't be angry because I'm so very thrilled that hope may be more than just a dream.

 

 



IVDD Episode 2...day 26

We're coming up on a month from the onset of this latest episode of IVDD. I really wish there was greater progress at this point, but yesterday's therapy may just have been the turning point for which we were waiting. While undergoing a particularly aggressive session of electroacupuncture, Lu suddenly jumped up to a seated position and cried out as if in pain. No one wants to see their pet in distress, but on the other hand, experiencing pain means that she has some amount of sensation. Dr. Krausser ended the electroacupuncture treatment at that point, since Lulu was giving us all signs that she was done for the day.

As usual after acupuncture, Dr. Krausser spent some time manipulating the muscles in Lu's legs. She uses various techniques to do so. Earlier in the day's session, Dr. Krausser had made a disappointing comment that Lu's hind legs seemed weaker than they were during Monday's therapy. But as she tried her strength again, she found that Lu's right side (which has consistently been her good side), was remarkably stronger than it was prior to acupuncture. In fact, she was able to support much of her weight on that leg. While obvious signs of significant impairment to Lu's back end remain, Dr. Krausser believes we may have awakened nerves in her back and leg when she cried out in pain. We're hanging on the hope that this might be true.

IVDD Episode 2...day 21

It is hard to believe it has been three weeks since this latest episode of IVDD. By now, we were hoping to see stronger signs that recovery would come, but we can't wait forever. It's time Lulu got her legs back, even if that means her legs will be made from two kick ass wheels and light weight frame...more to come on that.

Lulu saw Dr. Krausser twice last week. Both Dr. Krausser and I believe there has been subtle signs of progress. Both back legs now display some twitching and small muscle movements. These are heightened by the electroacupuncture therapy. I recorded a video on Friday during our session, which I've posted here. This gives us hope, but it is hard to remain optimistic when things are progressing so slowly.

IVDD Episode 2...day 15

Living with a paralyzed pet and a four month old infant really makes the time fly, but not in a "time flies when you're having fun," way; more like a "life is so hectic I don't have time to think," kind of way. Between bringing Lulu to therapy, cleaning up after her, and caring for my daughter, I feel like I'm getting nothing else done.

Yet Friday's session was positive. I was very excited to tell Dr. Krausser about Lu's progress. But because another dog was in surgery that day, and Dr. Krausser was running late. I use this rare free time to work with Lu, manipulating her legs in hopes to bring about a greater amount of muscle activity. I wanted Dr. Krausser to see the change in Lulu for herself. I was really getting into it, bicycling her legs like she was about to take flight, when I saw the muscle twitching. I mean I SAW it! Before I'd only FELT it. I thought to myself, "Where is that doctor? She needs to see this too!"

Let me tell you a little bit about Dr. Krausser. She is fairly new to veterinary medicine, but she's a mature woman, probably around my parent's age. She explained to me that veterinary care was a second career for her, but it was always something she had a passion to do. She combines her love of animals and traditional medicine with Eastern and natural medicine. I would describe her personality as gentle, compassionate, quite and aloof, especially aloof.

Back to my story...enter Dr. Krausser stage left. I tell her about the changes we've seen in Lulu. Here I thought she'd be surprised and elated, but she expressed less excitement than I anticipated. I was a bit disappointed, and to top it off, as I was relating the news Lu's leg muscles calmed. While Dr. Krausser prepared the needles for our session, I began to pump at Lulu's legs again, wishing for the same visible reaction I'd seen only moments before. Sure enough, I was able to produce the same quivering; excited, I said, "Look! Look at her leg!"

Absentminded as usual, Dr. Krausser didn't seem to realize I was speaking to her. I exclaimed, "Look at her leg!" Dr. Krausser slowly turned her head towards Lu and said, "Oh, that's good." I thought to myself, "Good? It's great! It's movement we haven't seen before!" In the end, Dr. Krausser was happy to see the changes, but was quick to remind me that we have a long way to go, and that progress is not always linier. We may see a setback before we see more progress. I hope, and she hopes, this isn't the case.

IVDD Episode 2...day 11

I almost hate to admit this in fear that I may jinx it...late last night, after Mia was put to bed and Bill and I had our dinner, I began working with Lu on her therapy. Everything was progressing as normal, until I started on her hind legs. Part of the therapy for any paralysed individual, whether dog, cat or human, is to move the affected limb in the full range of motion. As I began to do this on the right hind leg, I sensed some resistance, but wasn't sure. I thought to myself, "Perhaps this is wishful thinking?" But that slight feeling of tension didn't seem to be going away, so I called Bill over to get his opinion. After a few minutes of manipulating her leg, he agreed; something was different. As we began to get our hopes up, we felt another change: the bicep muscle in that leg was twitching continuously. We sat there with her smiling, our hands on leg, enjoying the feel of a muscle coming back to life, at least we hope.